I've never been happier to be sick in my life!

Why, you ask, am I happy to be sick? Because I have (had?) a condition called Reiter's Syndrome. I got it after I had Salmonella poisoning. It causes severe arthritis in one or more joints, similar to rheumatoid arthritis. I didn't get many of the symptoms associated with it, but I got moderate conjunctivitis, and really severe arthritis. There was a time when I couldn't walk without help because of it. Both of my ankles, knees, hips, and my lower back were the worst, but my wrists and hands were also affected. My knuckles were huge, and they are still bigger than they used to be.

After the initial part cleared up, all I had left was slight pain in my lower back, which was not at all bad compared to what it used to be. I figured out after getting more active again that that was just caused by not using it, and my back problems cleared up after I started building muscle back. The problems came when I was sick though, as even a slight cold would bring back the severe arthritis in my left hip and right knee. For about a week or two after I was sick I would be limping because they were still stiff and sore. After a while the symptoms started lasting less and less time. But then I had a really bad infection in my head, and not much was taking care of it. Eventually it made the arthritis so bad it was like I had just gotten sick again. Once I had that corrected, it took a long time and a lot of healing for the arthritis to go away, and my hands were pretty weak grasping. But I've worked on that and it got better.

Well, I got sick the day after Spring Break started. Vomiting, coughing up phlegm, headaches, nausea. But, I've been smiling the whole time. Because I HAVE NO JOINT PAIN AT ALL! I shouldn't be too excited over this, because it doesn't necessarily mean that I won't ever have it again. But, it's hope. It's hope that every time I sniffle I won't be bedridden for a week, or even a day. It's hope that if I have to go to the doctor for the flu I can walk in instead of hobbling in like an 80 year old man or have to be taken in in a wheelchair. It's hope that people won't ask what happened to my leg every time a virus comes through. It's hope. I love hope.

Josh rocks, and plans for the future.

My boyfriend is awesome. For someone as overcritical as I am, it's confusing to me that he has nothing wrong with him.

I had a great time visiting him in Dallas. We clicked so perfectly. I was expecting the meeting to show the downsides, it wouldn't be the first time I met someone in person who was nothing they claimed to be online. But not only was he like he was, he was better.

So what are my plans for the future?

I was hoping he would move here after he graduated. But he's interning at a law firm, and they seem to really like him. The job he is interning for is looking someone, and they are offering 50k a year to start. He's pretty confident he's gonna be offered the job when his internship is done. So, that leaves it up to me to move there.

It wouldn't be the first time I've moved to Texas. Or the first time I moved to Texas for a guy for that matter. The first time ended up a big clusterfuck, so you'd think I'd have learned. But there are quite a few differences. One of the biggest is that the guy I am moving for isn't making me move. He's okay if I want to stay here to finish my degree. The last guy I moved for said if I didn't move he was gonna leave me. Second biggest is that this guy will be working, and not a college kid. My timing moving to Austin was pretty bad, the job market took a hit when Katrina hit New Orleans and a lot of survivors were moved to Austin. It looks like I may have a hard time finding a job there, but Josh knows this, and I'll be in school so there will be financial aid to cover the slack. Speaking of schooling, I'll be going to (hopefully) UT Dallas, who has a great Microbiology program, and even a degree in Forensic Biology. So I won't just be floating with nothing to do.

But the biggest difference is that Josh is perfect for me. I'm not settling because I think I need to just jump at whoever comes along. I'm not overlooking some things I don't like, because there are some things I do like. I passed by plenty of options before he came along. Josh doesn't have any mental disorders, he doesn't battle with depression. I won't be worrying that when I come home he'll be dead. He's not passive-aggressive. I won't have to try and guess what he wants or needs. He's plenty vocal about those things. I don't have to worry about him just agreeing with what I say, and I don't have to worry about him not being able to take a joke. It's so refreshing to be with someone who isn't trying to manipulate me. And it's so refreshing that I am in a position to be the same to him.

All the crap I dealt with with previous boyfriends were all worth it, because it made me who I am. If I never went through some things with them, then I'd miss out on this great thing with Josh.

People always say that the good men are gay or taken. Well, I found a good man, and I'm glad to say he's taken.

I'll most likely be moving to Dallas after this summer. I'm going to go visit this summer and we'll decide if it's a good idea or not. I'm not naive enough to say that everything is gonna be perfect and we'll be happy together forever.

But if we are gonna be together forever, I'm okay with that.

I want to help too, dammit.

Unfortunately I never remember most of the stuff I think about in my car on the way home. As soon as I get in the door I zombify and realize I have homework or studying or working. But this really pisses me off, so I am gonna share.

Friday as I was walking through the Student Center at school, I see a table set up. They have fliers with a picture of a boy who is dying. He needs a bone marrow transplant. They are looking for bone marrow donors. I think this is great, because so many people with diseases need a transplant to live. So I go up to the table to sign up. I look at the thing and it has a list of things that make you not eligible to donate. It's pretty much the same list for blood donation, which includes "Are you a man who has had sex with a man?" If you answer yes to that, then you are not eligible.

Now, I understand when AIDS and hiv first came out, that there was confusion about how hiv was transmitted. It was thought that it was a gay disease, so gay men were restricted from giving blood.

But that was in the 80s. Now they have a test to see if you have hiv. In fact, they have a test you can get results from in 15 minutes. Also, gay men are more likely to have been tested and know their status.

But alas, I am not able to donate blood, or bone marrow. Never mind that I have been tested for hiv numerous times, and I am negative. Not to mention I am immune to hiv. Doesn't matter that I still always have safe sex even though I am immune to the virus. They don't care that I am in a monogamous relationship with someone who is also hiv negative. Forget that I have a rare blood type and I could help a lot of other people who can only use my blood. None of that matters, because I am gay. I'm still blocked from donating.

While I was there arguing with someone why I should still be able to donate a girl came to get a swab to check her tissue type. I knew her, and decided to ask a few questions, in hearing range of the people doing the tests. I asked her how many sexual partners she has had in the past two years, and she said about 30. Then I asked how many of those she had used protection with. She said less than half. Then I asked if she had ever had an hiv test. She said no. Here's the kicker. Knowing all this, they still went through and let her do everything. While refusing me.

Here are the guidelines for blood donation.

You should not give blood if you have AIDS or have ever had a positive HIV test, or if you have done something that puts you at risk for becoming infected with HIV.

You are at risk for getting infected if you:

• have ever used needles to take drugs, steroids, or anything not prescribed by your doctor
• are a male who has had sexual contact with another male, even once, since 1977
• have ever taken money, drugs or other payment for sex since 1977
• have had sexual contact in the past 12 months with anyone described above
• received clotting factor concentrates for a bleeding disorder such as hemophilia
• were born in, or lived in, Cameroon, Central African Republic, Chad, Congo, Equatorial Guinea,Gabon, Niger, or Nigeria, since 1977.
• since 1977, received a blood transfusion or medical treatment with a blood product in any of these countries, or
• had sex with anyone who, since 1977, was born in or lived in any of these countries. Learn more about HIV Group O, and the specific African countries where it is found.

Seems a little outdated, no? Well they were revised 05/08/08. So, a woman can have sex with a bisexual man, not get tested, and give blood after a year. But a male who had sex once with a male 10 years ago and has been tested recently can never give blood.

So I would like to thank the Red Cross for telling me I am a horrible person if I don't see if I can help this poor boy with a rare blood type who needs a transplant, and then not letting me see if I can help him, even though I also have a rare blood type.

So, what should you do? If you're not a man who has had sex with a man, you should go donate blood. Get tested to see if you can donate marrow. While you are there, say that you're donating because a friend of yours can't. He's disease free, has a rare blood type, and wants to donate all the time, but he can't because of outdated guidelines. Any time you donate, make sure to let them know. As soon as the ban is lifted, I will donate as much as I can, every month. I'll be registered to donate marrow to help people out. Until then, I'm not allowed to help.

Getting ready!

Two weeks til I am making my way to Dallas for a week of fun and meeting my boyfriend! I'm so excited and nervous I can't stand it!

Everything is so perfect. I can't find a damn thing wrong with him, and after my last few boyfriends believe me I was trying to find something. I had set really really high standards before I met him, and he has been even higher than that.

Yeah yeah I know we haven't met yet. But there's not a damn thing I can't tell from right here that is important to me.

I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to see other people when I am down there, but I am hoping so!

Don't ride my ass when I am driving.

Seriously, you should never be riding my ass in any situation. To appreciate it, you need to be far enough back to see it clearly.

But for really now, you should never be all up ons someone on the road. Not only is it dangerous, but if you hit them it is your fault. They could just slam on the breaks and tell a cop that an animal ran across the road. Now you're buying them a new car.

Why do people drive slow? There are a million reasons to drive slow. I'm usually found driving the speed limit. I don't like tickets, and most of the area I am living in is a speed trap. But, all this summer and most of the fall I was driving slower for a different reason. It saved gas. More gas than I would have imagined before I tried it. If someone is behind me I'll usually go the speed limit, but if I am really low on gas and trying to make it to the gas station, then I'm going pretty damn slow. If you're behind someone going slow, don't ride their ass, pass them. It's easy.

Happy Merry Joyous Christmakwanzachaunnikayule.

I love the holidays. I really really do.

But I hate people around the holidays.

I don't mean I just hate people, but I hate how they are around the holidays. Not everyone, but the people who get so nervous. They want everything to be perfect for the holidays. They want to be sure to get the perfect gift, they want to make sure everything goes exactly as planned.

Those people make me nervous. Because nothing ever goes exactly as planned. The longer you spend thinking about a gift, generally, the worse the person hates it. I have found that the gifts people love the most are the ones you pass, they catch your eye, and make you think of someone. If you spend the whole year trying to decide exactly what to get someone for Christmas, they are going to hate it. It's the law.

So take a stroll through a mall, catalog, website or whatever with a blank mind, and let things jump out at you. Don't sit and dwell because you'll never think of something good.

The Power of a Smile.

smile2
Originally uploaded by ojrocks

5 years ago I was in a car accident that screwed up my jaw pretty bad and ruined my teeth. Between money issues and health concerns, it seemed like I would never be able to smile again. But today is the first day in 5 years I have been able to smile.

You never realize the impact a smile can have on people. Having looked like I was frowning for the past few years, I've learned that people have weird reactions when you should be smiling but aren't.

But I never realized just how big of an effect smiling had on me, and people I don't even know.

As I walked out of the dentist today, and across campus, I made a point to smile at everyone I saw. Every single person I passed got a huge smile from me.

Normally as I walk, my head is kind of down, or my gaze is wandering, and people look at me and look away, or scowl because it looked like I was scowling.

But with every single smile today I got a smile back. At least four of those people looked like they weren't in the mood to smile before I smiled at them. At least two of those people were already smiling, and their smiles got bigger as I smiled at them.

I passed one of the people who didn't look in the mood to smile, about twenty minutes later, and they were still smiling.

The power of smiling is amazing. It may be something you don't realize until you lose it. I know it bothered me a lot more than I would admit when I couldn't smile.

Take care of your smile, and use it! Brush, wear a seat belt correctly, and go to the dentist.

And smile. Smile all day, smile when you don't feel like it, smile when you walk, smile when you talk, smile always. From now on I know I will be.