Spongebob Squarepants, and why I hate him

The one thing I completely, utterly despise is Spongebob Squarepants.

Why, you ask, do I hate him so? He's cute and fun and energetic.

Well have a seat and I will explain why.

I used to work at Blockbuster. I was a manager. At the end of the night I would have a worker with me, and they cleaned and straightened up the store while I counted the money.

One night my friend Tim was working with me. He finished early, and as I was doing paperwork, he was playing with the new toys that came in. One of these toys was a Spongebob Squarepants that would have various saying when you pressed a button. One of these was the full theme song. Another toy that we had in was a Scooby Doo, and he would make different sounds depending on where you touched him. One of these was a dopey laugh.

Well Tim set up all the Spongebobs and the Scooby up in a row, set them all to play the theme song, and then pressed the button in intervals of a few seconds. Then he kept doing it over and over and over... and over and over and over... and over and over and over. In between each he would do the Scooby Doo laugh. I kept losing count of the money, and kept forgetting what I was doing. I told him to stop over and over again.

And then I snapped.

I took the Spongebobs and threw them on the floor. I stomped on them, I kicked them, I threw them, I took some sort of rod and beat them. I had no control over myself. I saw red and all I could think was to destroy the Spongebobs.

When I finally calmed down, it seemed like hours, all I could see everywhere was shattered and torn pieces of Spongebob. And Tim hiding behind a counter. I paid for the Spongebobs, and went about my merry way.

Fast forward to five years later. I was working at McDonald's now. One of my co-workers started singing the theme song. Next thing I knew I had my arm around his neck. I had blanked out and attacked. Now, I can defend myself if the need arises, but I am not normally a violent person. Everyone at work was pretty shocked, so I told them the story. People kept testing me to see if it kept happening, and as they would start to sing or hum the tune I would blank out and go after them.

They thought it was pretty funny, but I didn't. It's kind of scary.

I'm not as bad as I was, I just get filled with rage now, and don't blank out.

But that, my friends, is why Spongebob Squarepants is evil, and why everything ever involving him should be banned.